New song; new video:

I wrote this song in the spring and summer of 2013. Apologies to all who have been quoted saying something along the lines of “If I knew I’d live this long, I would have taken better care of myself” (Mickey Mantle, Eubie Blake, George Burns, Mark Twain, and others). I also made use of an explanation given by Edvard Munch concerning his most famous painting: “I was walking along the road with two friends — the sun was setting — suddenly the sky turned blood red — I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence — there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city — my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety — and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature.”

See production notes, lyrics, and embedded video. Remixed Sept. 2, 2019.

All vocals sung and all instruments played by J. Ochshorn
Arranged and recorded at home by J. Ochshorn using Logic Pro
Video shot with my old low-resolution Flip camcorder and created with Final Cut Express
Lyrics and music © 2013 Jonathan Ochshorn:

VERSE 1: what have i swallowed
what have i confessed
an act that can’t be followed
a fact i can’t digest
i ate it all, drank it down, kept it up with the best

VERSE 1 (second part): the morning after
got some coffee and some cream
mixed it with some laughter
like a madman in a mindless dream
the sky turns red, nature wakes with a scream

CHORUS 1: if i knew i’d live this long
i wouldn’t have wasted all those years
i might have found some younger friends
with more interesting careers
now everyone around me’s dying
everyone i knew before
what’s the point of even trying anymore

VERSE 2: i’ve been alone now
i’ve settled in this groove
i can’t stay in my home now
but i can’t say where i’d move
there’s nothing left, nothing right, and nothing to prove

CHORUS 2: if i knew i’d live this long
i would have taken better care
i would have got more exercise
put some color in my hair
if my life’s not satisfying
if i’m lying at death’s door
what’s the point of even trying anymore

BRIDGE: if i were to think this through
there’s still no way to write an ending
and if i act as if i knew
exactly what i was intending to do

VERSE 3: i’d be misleading
if i claimed there’s a design
based upon my reading
i’m not doing all that fine
just getting up, getting by, waiting here for a sign

CHORUS 3: if i knew i’d live this long
there would be so much more to show
i would have done the things i dreamed
of doing long ago
my regrets are multiplying
i’m becoming such a bore
what’s the point of even trying anymore
what’s the point of even trying anymore